In just a little over two weeks, restaurants will be filled with doe-eyed couples donning red and gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes, despite the
fact that their meal is costing more than what their kidney is worth.(1) Personally, it’s my favorite holiday. (yes, I am one of those people.) I mean, what’s not to
love? We have a deranged emperor, a poor blind girl, a massacred saint, and
it all ends in the institution that ensnares unites two people into
wedded bliss.
Let’s start with the diabolical emperor - Claudius Gothicus.
(2) Hmmmm let me plunge deep into the recesses of my mind to find something nice to say
about Claudius. (long pause…..longer pause…..still thinking…..If I use more ellipses
than something it going to come to me ….) Oh I know, Claudius was really handy
with a sword. Yep, that’s about
it. Claudius spent a good portion
of his life massacring Goths and he was darn good at it. He wasn’t too
spectacular in the love department. There doesn’t seem to be a misses Gothicus pulling on his
heartstrings in any part of this story.
Claudius Gothicus. The missing nose may have made it hard for him to get a date.
Not one for romance, Claudius didn’t want his soldiers
coming to work all weak in the knees and missing their wives at home. His
solution was to forbid marriage. That’s not to say he didn’t allow his soldiers
some recreational enjoyment. After one successful battle, he wrote to one of
his generals that there were so many female Goths captured that each of his
soldiers could have not one….but two to three women to rape a piece. (Like I
said, not much for romance.)
Saint Valentine, A man who always looked good in red.
In an effort to preserve the holy union of marriage, a
priest named Valentine secretly wed couples behind Claudius’ back. When
Claudius found out, he was none to happy and ordered Valentine to be put to
death. While Valentine was in prison, one of the judges, Asterius came to pray
with Valentine along with his blind daughter. Supposedly, the blind daughter
was healed and before Valentine was to be stoned and decapitated, he sent her a
letter and signed it “from your Valentine.”
Valentines Day is the only day that I will tolerate cherubs.
The story does have some dubious sources and may just be the
thirteenth century version of Hallmark hogwash. But like most holidays
smothered by commercialism, Valentine’s Day does have something sacred at its
core - Valentine died for his beliefs. And when we all come off of our
chocolate heart sugar high, that’s a great reason to wear red.
(1) I googled ….the going rate for a kidney is 150,000 so as usual, I am
exaggerating slightly.
(2) Claudius Gothicus means "conqueror of Goths." He was also called
Claudius the Cruel. I think the first name sounds far more bad ass without being
so literal.
2 comments:
Poor Saint Valentine, but what a lovely tribute!
Valentine's Day is my daughter's birthday and is really and truly the only reason I like it. Up until then, I was a firm believer in only wearing black and refusing all cards or gifts on 2/14. Even chocolates.
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