Showtime's The Borgias – Kill the Characters not the Monkey

Last night, I watched the soporific 2-hour premier of Showtime’s the Borgia.The show begins with Innocent VIII’s deathbed scene- a man guilty of enough simony (not to mention his countless bastards) to land him in Dante’s 8th circle of hell. Innocent asks his cardinals to clean up their act and make the church respectable again. Now, a new Pope must be chosen. Ok. we were off to a good start. 

But half way through the first two episodes, and somewhere between feeling like I was being walled up in a Papal conclave and wishing for the darn smoke to turn white so something would happen in this mind-numbing plot line…I realized that I simply did not care about these characters. Unlike the Godfather, (the movie the producers supposedly intended to emulate) there isn’t a single redeeming quality about any of the family members. In fact, I am pretty sure that I felt more sorry for Cesare’s taster monkey that bites it in the first episode.

And I don’t even like monkeys.

The main character, Rodrigo Borgia is over-simplified to the point of being obnoxious. Cesare Borgia is a peevish brat without a conscience.  The vapid Lucrezia’s biggest desire is to be painted with an exotic beast. The entire family comes across as a bunch of thugs with a singular desire– power. It’s the singular part that turns into a real snooze fest. For such a talented cast, they weren't given much to work with. While shows like the Sopranos have multi-layered characters with multi-layered desires, the Borgias are reduced to a bunch of one-liners. In the Sopranos, we are horrified by Tony Sopranos’ unscrupulous actions, but he is still a very human character. We feel his guilt when he sits in that psychiatrist’s chair. And when Jonathan Rhys Myers flashes his psycho eyes in The Tudors, I may giggle now and then, but I still feel his character torn between his own desires and the desires of his family and the church. These characters were all very human with human wants and human cares. The Borgias' dead monkey seems to have more feeling. 

The most frustrating part is that the real history had tons for viewers to care about. Alexander VI, despite his moral ineptitude, loved his children to death and was willing to destroy everything the peace of Lodi had established to protect them. In Showtime’s The Borgia, Alexander doesn’t seem to give a bag of figs for his sons or his daughter. He admonishes Cesare like an overworked father and has very little interaction with Lucrezia.

Where are the family factions splitting political lines? The Sforza, the Visconti, the Colonna, the Orsini, and most importantly the Medici? Did the producers really need to spend an entire episode on showing just how corrupt Alexander was? And where is Savanarola with his fire and brimstone sermons and his child messengers? Where is Ludovico Sforza and his machinations with the French –inviting the devil to his doorstep to crush his enemies in Naples only to have the serpent turn on him. Now THERE is a powerful story. 

I think Michelangelo sums up perfectly the atmosphere in Rome that the Borgias took two hours too long to establish.

Here they make helmets and swords out of chalices,

And they sell the blood of Christ by handfuls,

And cross and thorns are lances and shields

And even Christ all patience loses.

But let him come no more to these city streets,

For here his blood would flow up to the very stars,

Now that in Rome they sell his skin

And they have closed the roads to all goodness…

Perhaps Michelangelo saw what the producers of the Borgias missed – that a story stripped of humanity truly is a road closed to all goodness.  It’s this redeeming goodness that the Borgia is missing. Mario Puzo's The Godfathers succeeded not because it had “Sex. Power. Murder. Amen,” but because in their Machiavellian pursuit of power they were still just a family that loved each other and were willing to die for each other. Unfortunately, the Borgias love their family as much as their monkeys.

I REALLY wanted to like the Borgia. Now, I only have watched the first two episodes so perhaps this is just a slow start and the series will get there. But so far...it's just not coming together for me. But I would love to hear what others thought. Personally, I am really enjoying Camelot (Produced by the Michael Hirst - the same producer as The Tudors.) so I am getting my history fix. 

The Raucous Royals bids farewell

Today will be the last post on The Raucous Royals. Over two years ago, I began this blog as an offset of The Raucous Royals book to share all the interesting tidbits that never made their way into the book. Readers have tolerated my endless bad analogies, my blatant overuse of the word "raucous", my terrible spelling, and occasional rants. The past few years, I have met some incredible people through this blog. But there are so many other history blogs that do a much better job than I do digging up raucous history. I am looking forward to having more free time to enjoy reading those sites.

I will continue to make posts on my art blog and my twitter account will stay live too. The newsletter will become a quarterly newsletter.

Thank you and farewell fellow history geeks, and if you know a child who thinks history is boring...well, they obviously have not met a Raucous Royal.

Winner of last week's giveaway

Winner of last week's giveaway is Sadie. Congratulations Sadie! My unscientific process for the giveaway was to ask my husband to pick a number between 1 and 5. He said "3"....(I had Amy as entrant 1 & 2).

I forgot to ask people to include their email so please email me by clicking on the link below the scary lady in the top left column. I will just need your mailing address to get out your $50 gift card and book.

Thank you to everyone you spread the word. I really do appreciate the support.

Raucous Talent: Kris Waldherr

One of my favorite artists/authors/Renaissance virtuoso has a new digital imprint. I didn't even know that she had a book on Sacred Animals. Isn't the art just gorgeous? I can so imagine kids (of all ages) loving this e-Book. My daughter is in her Princess phase now so I know she is going to love The Firebird and Rapunzel.

Giveaway Time!

If you are wondering where the writers have disappeared to, you can find most buried away in their monastic caves click clacking away for NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month...too long of an acronym!) When you see them come up for air, they will need a good book and a shopping spree at Barnes & Noble. This month I will be giving away a $50 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble along with a signed copy of I Feel Better with a Frog in my Throat.

The official rules:

Mention I Feel Better with a Frog in my Throat on your blog, twitter, or facebook page and simply include your blurbed link in the comments section below. Your mention can be as simple as any of the following options:

A. "Carlyn Beccia has a new book(link here)"

B. Add the book trailer code to your blog, twitter or facebook page. (Just click on the "share" button or the "embed" button to get the code.) 

C. Write a short review. (Feel free to use words like "mind-blowing" "life changing" or a "spiritual awakening.") 

That's it. 

Each link gets you one entry.

It takes an army to promote a book! I may have a tiny tiny army reading this blog, but every little bit helps.

Above: Art from I Feel Better with a Frog in my Throat. Cure: The Renaissance Cure, a Mother's kiss. 

Over at the Three Pipe Problem

Catch me today over at the Three Pipe Problem reminiscing about the medieval cure I endured, discussing digital art and revealing hidden art secrets in I Feel Better with a Frog in my Throat.

Columbus - A man you can drool over

The Raucous Royals has been kind of hard on Christopher Columbus, so it may come as a surprise that I would recommend Christopher Columbus by one of my favorite authors Marion Day Bauer. I do have a soft spot for Columbus and this book hits it hard. Christopher Columbus tells the story of Columbus as the “dreamer” who had the courage to brave the unknown and the temerity to never give up on his goals. Liz Goulet Dubois’s charming boy-like depictions of Columbus pull at my childhood memories and remind me how much I loved this story as a kid.

When I read my daughter this book, she most liked that Columbus kept asking Isabella and Ferdinand until he got his yes - a concept every child can relate to.  Her favorite spread was when Columbus discovered “tierra” (land) with seagulls flying above his head.

This book definitely has the “drool factor”.

(The drool factor:  when you find your child asleep with their face stuck to a book and a puddle of drool forming across their favorite page. )

When it comes down to it, convincing my daughter Chris was a nice guy is just one of those essential lies that all parents tell their kids. Is it any more harmful than -  “Santa Claus is watching you” or “eat it, it’s chicken” or “darn it…the tv is broken?”  (I recommend that one.)

In the end, I want my daughter to love history and Christopher Columbus is the perfect first love. Sure, he will break her heart when she finds out her first love was most likely a syphilitic, marauding thug, but for now…. I am going to let her drool over Chris. 

Six steps to exorcising Halloween Demons (Elizabethan Style)

Was your child levitating from her bed last night? Was your spouse muttering gibberish and bent over in a sugar-induced stupor? Did your coworkers stagger in today looking disheveled with that telltale frothing at the mouth?  You can blame it on eating too much candy corn, but there may be a far more nefarious spirit at work.

Your loved one may be possessed by Halloween demons! 

Don’t despair. Simply take a page from the Elizabethan guide to exorcisms and choose any of the following demon expunging tactics.  

1. Give Birth

If you were a nubile woman in Elizabethan times, the only way to get rid of some demons was to just give birth. Oddly, the Elizabethans often confused pregnancy with demon possession. Blame the uncertainty on conceptions beliefs.  Doctors at the time believed conception could only take place if the woman had an orgasm. This belief led many sexually ungratified women to assume that their swelling belly was the result of demon possession and not a growing baby. One Elizabethan woman, after becoming pregnant from her affair with a local priest, insisted that her lover exorcize the demon growing in her belly. By all accounts, the priest was more up to this task because she soon gave birth to, 'a little female spirit.' (aka a bouncing baby girl).1

2. The Herbal Method

In Elizabethan times, you would also find the same herbs used to expel a fetus were also used during your typical Elizabethan exorcist. One of the most popular abortificants, rue, was believed to be an anathema to both babies and demons.  Other herbs like garlic were always removed from a woman giving birth and a women being exorcised because they were believed to bind a demon to the room.  At least this one sounds like it was on the right track. No one needs to smell garlic when they are going through labor.

3. Vinegar

When preacher John Lane was called to the house of Anne Mylner to exorcise a particularly ferocious demon, the first thing he did was pour vinegar into his mouth and then spit it into her nostrils. (I can’t imagine what vinegar up your nose feels like, but I guessing it would be far worse than say salt water up your nose.)Vinegar not only protected townspeople from the plague, but also exorcised demons. For centuries, it was believed to cleanse the body in the same way that we would try a detox diet today.

4. Farting

Demons were believed to enter the body through different orifices, with the mouth, nose and ear being preferred. A demon could hide in anything as innocent as a radish and then bam….once you ate the demon laden radish, you were possessed. If mouths, noses and ears were the point of entry, it made perfect sense that the point of exit must be the anus. This thinking led most people to believe that farting would naturally expel demons. Martin Luther was particularly fond of farting to cleanse the body and was never short on fart jokes for his dinner companions. 

5. Fasting

In 1574, John Parkhurst, bishop of Norwich, ordered the whole town to fast to expel the demons in the son of an alderman.  In Elizabethan times, it was believed food generated more blood and since demons fed on blood, fasting was the best method to starve them. This one actually might work if your fasting eliminated all chocolate consumption. 

6. Praying

You would think the old standby of praying to a particular saints would be the first line of defense against demons, but evoking any saint was a dangerous practice in Elizabethan England.  Viewed mostly as popish, Elizabeth I had forbade prophesying and exorcising demons. Any priest that practiced exorcists could be arrested and tried for witchcraft. (This law was especially ironic considering the pope accused Elizabeth’s chief alchemist, John Dee, of necromancy.) When John Darrell dared to use prayer and fasting to exorcise the demons from an apprenticed musician named William Somers, his efforts got him imprisoned awaiting trial. Luckily, local, leading clerical figures campaigned for his release.

Personally, if you have a young one jumping off the walls this morning, I would just pray, pray, pray. Those sugar demons can only survive so long. 


Notes:
(1)Sand. p. 19
Sources and Further Reading:
R. Sands, Kathleen. Demon possession in Elizabethan England, Westport (Conn.) : Praeger, 2004.
Lake, Peter and Questeir, Michael. Conformity and orthodoxy in the English Church, c. 1560-1660, Woodbridge : Boydell Press, 2000

The Fashionable Prostitute, Part III

How Prostitutes began the Fashion Magazine Industry

Today we have the glossy pages of Vogue and Glamour to find the most fashionable clothing, but during the Renaissance, courtesans were the super models of their day. The first costume books, called alba amicorum, contained detailed information on the fashion tastes of these leading ladies. As discussed in last week’s post, sumptuary laws proved useless in distinguishing a noble woman from a courtesan. Thus, the yellow pages of prostitutes, catalogs such as Il Catalogo di tutte le principale et piu honorate cortigiana di Venezia required courtesans to register with their name, addresses, procuress (sadly, usually dear mom) and fees. (Famed courtesan Veronica Franco charged six scudi for just a kiss. )

But by the 17th century, costume books began to merge with courtesan catalogs. One of the first examples of this early amalgamation of sex and fashion was Crispijn de Passe the elder’s Miroir. In the forward of the Miroir, Crispijn writes that the book is intended as a fashion guide for the typical stay at home mom. He apologizes for using courtesans as his subject matter, but they simply were quicker to adopt new fashions.  

Yet, we can clearly see from the plate that follows that this is not your Lady’s Home Journal guide to dressing. In this typical brothel scene, a wealthy patron selects his companion for the evening based on the portraits that are presented to him.

Other plates follow, many depicting the most risqué clothing of its day worn by courtesans cleverly disguised by pseudonyms. The woman above is showing a little too much chest hair even by 17th century standards.  The Miroir became a best seller and continued to be reprinted in the 18th century.

(switching to my pedantic old lady voice that all the kids love...)

If you were to look through a typical fashion magazine today, you could argue that the line between sex and fashion is still just as blurred.

You can find more of images from the Miroir over at The Rare Books Forum.

I Feel Better with a Frog in my Throat receives Oppenheim award!

I Feel Better with a Frog in my Throat was just given a Platinum Best Book Award for Early Readers by the Oppenheim Toy Portfolio folks. This is really such an honor because I always look for the Oppenheim award on the toys I buy for my kids. I had completely forgotten that they have a book award too. Congratulations to the other books in this category! Please check out the winners here.

I Feel Better with a Frog in my Throat, Book Trailer

I had some HUGE talent for this book trailer! I am going to have to pay the voice over artist in endless back rubs.

Elizabeth I's Magical Unicorn

In the 16th century, Elizabeth I’s seamen were like little boys running in a vast field, trying to find the prettiest wild flowers to run back and give to their queen mum. Francis Drake, John Hawkins, Humphrey Gilbert, they were all in the race of their lives to find the best trade routes and the richest treasures to bring home to the woman who held the keys to Gloriana. But on July 22, 1577, English privateer, Martin Frobisher found the holy grail of treasures when he landed in Northern Canada while looking for the Northwest Passage through the Arctic Ocean. There, washed up on the icy shores, a long, spiral horn thrust through the earth and caught the sun’s rays like spun glass. This strange, white object was the remains of one of the most beautiful mythological creatures in Christendom and so rare that it could only be captured by a virgin.

Frobisher had not found just common beach debris. He had found the horn of a unicorn. To Read more, visit On the Tudor Trail>>