The Royal Talisman

We might laugh today at some of the amulets and talisman that protected royalty, but they were cherished and extremely costly objects hundreds of years ago. Here are a few of the lucky charms used by some of my favorite royals.

The love talisman
Catherine de Medici was one of the most superstitious queens of her day and even showed a natural talent for alchemy and astrology. Catherine's most famous talisman was her love talisman made from metals melted during favorable astrological signs and then mixed with human and goat blood. Catherine’s love talisman was destroyed when she died, but a copy can be found at the Bibliotheque nationale de France. The above is a copy which can be purchased at Esoteric Jewels. Unfortunately, Catherine’s love talisman failed her miserably. Throughout her marriage, she was trapped in a painful love triangle between herself, her husband, Henri II and his famed mistress, Diane de Poitiers.

Anne of Cleves wore a crown of rosemary on her wedding day because it was believed to be a love charm. Judging by the speed at which Henry VIII divorced her, expectant brides might want to forgo this tradition.

The friendship talisman
You wouldn’t think the hard-nosed, pragmatic queen Bess would dabble in superstitions, but Elizabeth I had her share of protective amulets. She possessed an agate amulet which promised that she would always have at least one faithful friend. This amulet obviously worked because Elizabeth had a knack for surrounding herself with loyal advisors and spymasters throughout her life.

The religious talisman
A commonly worn religious talisman was that of the Agnus Dei portraying a flag and Jesus as the sacrificial lamb. The Agnus Dei was often made from the wax of a Paschal candle and was blessed by the Pope. It was carried to protect against flood, thunderstorms, windstorms and sudden death. Mary Queen of Scots possessed two talisman stamped with the Agnus Dei and even took one to her execution. If you count a swinging ax as a sudden death, then this one didn’t work so well for Mary.

The great poet, cardinal Pietro Bembo gave the Duchess Lucrezia an Agnus Dei as a token of his secret love for her. In one of the many steamy letters to the Duchess, he wrote:

'The encolsed Agnus Dei, which I wore a time on my heart, you will deign to wear at night sometimes for love of me - if you are not able to wear it in the day - so that sweet dwelling placeof your precious heart, to be able to kiss which one single time for a long hour I would bargain my life, may be at least touched by that circle which a long time touched the dwelling place of mine. Be well.' (1)

The health talisman
One of the most common talisman was a unicorn horn to protect against disease and poisoning. Unicorn horns were so expensive that some even cost the price of a small estate. Henry VII, Elizabeth I, Francis I, and Mary Queen of Scots possessed unicorn horns to ward off illness. (They were really overpriced narwhal tusks)

Henry VII also possessed a serpent’s tongue on a chain to protect him from sudden poisoning and illnesses. In ancient Malta, located off the coast of Italy, serpent’s tongue were believed to be the tongue of snakes that had been turned to stone. (They were really fossilized shark’s teeth.) In the fifteenth and sixteenth century, serpent’s tongues were suspended from coral trees, called languiers, and placed at the dinner table. Guests would grab a tongue and dip it into their wine to protect them from poisoning. Try this amulet only if you are dining with some suspicious house guests.

The talisman for commoners
If you couldn’t afford a unicorn horn, then you would have to settle for carrying a mole's foot in your pocket. (just slightly nastier than a rabbit's foot.) This superstition was recommended by Pliny the Elder in the first century C.E. and continued to be a common practice in England up until the 20th century.

To cure toothache, people often carried a tooth-shaped stone or animal tooth. These amulets cured tooth ache by transferring the disease from your tooth onto the stone. If you squeezed it pretty hard, maybe you would forget about the stabbing pain in your jaw.

Another common amulet was an alchemy coin called a ‘thaler’ which when carried would protect against disease and illness. The word ‘thaler’ became the basis for the word dollar which today ironically transfers nasty germs instead of protecting against illness.

Stay tuned for a future post on the talisman used in divination. Shown here is the purple crystal used to cure illness and predict the future. It was used by Elizabeth I's conjurer, John Dee who claimed he could see ghosts in it.

What is your favorite lucky charm? Fess up….are you superstitious? Do you consult the magic eight ball before making any important decisions? Do you have a florescent pink rabbit’s foot hanging from your dashboard or a lucky rock in your pocket?

Image Credits:
Mole's foot, Thalers, John Dee's crystal: Science Museum, London

Languiers: Natural History Museum

Catherine de Medici's love talisman: Esoteric Jewels

Notes:

Kidwell, p. 94

Sources and Further Reading:

Kidwell, Carol. Pietro Bembo: Lover, Linguist, Cardinal. Montreal, Quebec: McGill-Queen's University Press, 2004.

Woolley, Benjamin. The Queen's Conjurer: The Science and Magic of Dr. John Dee, Adviser to Queen Elizabeth I. New York:NY, Holt Paperbacks, 2001

The Execution of Mary Queen of Scots.
Starkey, David. The Six Wives of Henry VIII. New York, NY: Harper Perennial, 2004.
Frieda, Leonie. Catherine de Medici, Renaissance Queen of France, New York, NY:Harper Perennial, 2003. \

Renaissance Beauty Secrets

In one of Shakespeare’s most famous plays, Hamlet scolds Ophelia, ‘God hath given you one face, and you make yourselves another.' Shakespeare was making a reference to Ophelia’s cunning use of cosmetics and he was not alone in his objections. Especially in England, cosmetics were generally mistrusted as sorcery designed to trick helpless men. In essence, Renaissance women faced the same challenges that we do today - they had to look like their beauty was effortless. Unfortunately, to achieve effortless beauty, women had to absorb more toxic ingredients than the average lab rat.

In last week’s post, readers were invited to take the “Are you a Renaissance Beauty” quiz. For all of you that might have been less than happy with your score (including me), here is your chance to redeem yourself. The following 500-year old beauty secrets should have the poets and artists singing your praise.

Disclaimer: The Raucous Royals takes no responsibility for any injury that might result from using these techniques.

Alabaster Skin: Steal the Look (the Renaissance Way)
In medieval times, women bleached their skin using lead pasta, but by the Renaissance, women had got white skin down to an evil science. To look like you haven’t seen the sun in 20 years, first apply raw eggs to your face as a primer. Next, mix together lead and vinegar to make ceruse. Apply it liberally to face and neck.

For a truly corpse-like face, take blue paint and apply thin veins to forehead and breasts. Finish it off with another coating of egg whites and voila…you have been turned to marble.

Tip: For an even fairer look, you could also try the old Renaissance beauty trick of applying leeches to your ears. The leeches would drain the blood from your head giving you that I am about to swoon look.

Warning: Over time, this beauty concoction would cause holes in your face. If patches of your skin start to fall off then immediately apply more lead makeup. If you prefer your skin to not look like Swiss cheese covered in frosting, you may want to try the 17th century beauty trick of applying patches of fabric to the holes on your face. Cut them into stars, moons and circles. Be creative. This is your melting skin.

Plucked: Steal the Look (The Renaissance Way)
You have probably already noticed something peculiar about Mona Lisa’s mischievous eyes…she is missing her brows. Most women in the Renaissance were pluck-happy with the tweezers. They not only plucked their brows, but also their hairline to give the impression of a wide forehead. Ouch!

White Teeth: Steal the Look (the Renaissance Way)
There were many recipes to whiten teeth in the Renaissance. One recipe advised mixing pumice stone, brick and coal and then rubbing vigorously across the teeth. Crushed bone worked in a pinch too.

We think of Nostradamus as the great profit who predicted the end of the world, but he also wrote a book on beauty secrets. His formula for whitening teeth and freshening breath was the following:

Take three drams each of crystal, flint, white marble, glass and calcined rock salt, two drams each of cuttlefish bone and calcined sea-snail shells, half a dram each of fragmented pearls, two drams of bright riverbed stones (which form little white pebbles), one scruple of amber and twenty-two grains of musk, and grind them down thoroughly on a painter's marble slab. Rub the teeth with [the resultant powder] frequently and gently rub with a little rose honey any places where the gums have receded.In a few days you will see the flesh grow back, and the teeth clearly get whiter.

Warning: If you use these concoctions repeatedly, the enamel will eventually wear off your teeth. No worries. If you live in England during the reign of Elizabeth I then you could follow the latest fashion rage and paint your teeth black. It might not seem appealing at first, but it shows that you (like the queen) can afford the sweets that cause tooth decay.

Beautiful Hair: Steal the Look (the Renaissance Way)
When it comes to Renaissance beauty, blonds couldn't have been having much fun. To get those golden locks apply a mixture of saffron, lemon juice and rhubarb. Next, sit the sun for the WHOLE afternoon wearing a hat with the crown removed called a Solana. (Shown here).

If you had black hair and wanted to get rid of those pesky grays then you could try some of the recipes listed in Isabella Cortese's 1584 best-seller, Secrets. The following recipe must have not only altered your hair, but a few strands of DNA:

Take four or five spoons of quicklime in powder, two pennyworth of lead oxide with gold and two with silver, and put everything in a mortar and grind it with ordinary water; set it to boil as long you would cook a pennyworth of cabbage; remove it from the fire and let it cool until tepid. And then wash your hair with it. After an hour, wash your hair with clean, warm water and no soap, and then wash yourself with ordinary cleaning agent and soap your hair as usual; and do this every week.

Royal Beauty Secrets
Lastly, if the above concoctions don’t have you feeling 10 years younger, then you can steal these beauty elixirs from some famous royals:

• Catherine de Medici used pigeon dung on her face to get that dewy, young complexion.
• Mary Queen of Scots bathed in wine to keep herself looking young and fresh.
• Diane de Poitiers’ fountain of youth was to drink gold. Yummy.
  

Enjoy!

The execution of Mary Queen of Scots

Today is the anniversary of one of my favorite Raucous Royals - Mary Queen of Scots. I REALLY wanted to write a post to commemorate her death but....time slipped away. So I am going to be the lazy poster and dig up some of my favorite Mary Queen of Scots posts:

Mary Queen of Scots and Elizabeth I in extreme doll fighting
Mary Queen of Scots having a bad hair day

and if you are really bored...
Save Mary from the executioner

Royal Signatures: What Handwriting reveals about Tudor Kings and Queens

I recently found a fascinating post over at one of my favorite blogs, My Napoleon Obsession written by artist and history lover Carmi Cimicata. (I too have a bit of a school girl crush on Nappy.) The post shows several examples of Napoleon’s signature and how it changed over time.

Graphologists (the people who study handwriting) will tell you that everyone’s signature changes over time. Your signature even changes from signing one document to immediately signing another. In fact, one of the first signs that graphologists look for in analyzing counterfeit signatures is if the signatures are too identical. Perfection is usually a dead give away that the signature is a forgery.

Now, for those of you who might be screaming POPPYCOCK at this very moment (a word that everyone should use at least once a day), I would point out that handwriting analysis is still used in crime investigations and in my corporate days I even had to undergo a handwriting analysis for a job I was applying too. (I didn’t get the job and have crossed my t’s low ever since). I studied graphology for years before I figured out that it is ten times harder than it looks. I say this with the disclaimer that the following is my novice attempt to analyze some of the signatures of famous Tudors.

First off, graphologists never use a signature alone to analyze someone. Usually, several writing samples have to be considered to get a good impression of overall characteristics. Signatures tend to be more practiced so they reveal clues about the public persona while the handwriting reflects more of the private persona.

Also keep in mind that we don’t have the luxury to see how Tudor signatures changed over time because often their signatures were created as seals to be placed on official documents and reused over and over again. In Henry VIII's case, a dry stamp was used to put his signature on royal documents when he got too lazy to lift his chubby hand. This dry stamp left an imprint which could then be inked in by members of the Privy Chamber. To avoid forgeries, only 3 people were allowed to use the stamp at a time. For this reason, I have not used examples of Henry's signature after 1545.

Ok let’s start with my favorite larger-than-life monarch….

Henry VIII
You will notice that Henry’s signature is thick in some places and thin in others. Now you might say that this is caused by his choice of writing utensil, but that actually is not so. It’s the passion of the writer that truly determines the thick and thinness of the line. And even the choice of pen can indicate personal desires. The varying thick and thinness of his writing suggesting a varying degree of pressure. Whenever writing varies in pressure, it suggests a more volatile nature. You can see this varying pressure also in the love letter to Anne Boleyn shown below.

A person with varying pressure alternates his need for risk-taking and security. Henry obviously had a very mercurial personality. He would risk everything for the love/lust he felt for his second wife Anne Boleyn, but he then craved the security and domestic calm of Jane Seymour in his third choice of wife. We can see this is very different from the steady pressure that Anne Boleyn applied in her signature. (shown below)

Another clue that points to Henry’s erratic nature is the varying slants of his handwriting. Even in the love letter to Anne Boleyn we can see the loops on his “d” slant backward yet the other letters slant dramatically forward. People with varying slants are often lively, crave variety (ahh..hmm wives) and have many interests.

You will also notice a varying baseline in Henry’s love letter to Anne (right). People who write with a varying baseline are the “jack of all trades” type. They take on many challenges and can get burnt out easily. These are not planners, but instead will wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Henry’s signature is also the best example of an illegible signature (by Tudor standards). In fact, all of the other examples here are pretty neat compared to Henry’s signature. A person with an illegible signature keeps his public persona very separate from his private persona. These people are often an enigma and even close friends rarely know them well. (You can now forgive your doctor for his messy signature)


Anne Boleyn
One of the first things that distinguishes Anne’s signature is her heavy pressure. This is a full bodied signature full of passion and sensuality. People who write with a heavy pressure are also forceful, dynamic and possess a tremendous determination. No one could argue that Anne was not determined in her quest for the King.

You will also notice that Anne chose to punctuate her name with “the queen” instead of abbreviating it with the good old Rex symbol. Many people today choose to abbreviate their names using initials for their first name. People who choose to write out every part of their name seek the limelight. These people are always willing to accept a new challenge. Obviously, Anne didn’t shy away from the limelight or the challenge to hold on to the King.

Another distinguishing characteristic of Anne’s writing is the height of her letters and the way they thrust into the upper zone seen in both her signature and her letters (left). In handwriting analysis, the upper zone represents the intellect. The middle zone represents social interaction or emotional intelligence. The bottom zone is literally are more base cravings…aka sex drive. Anne’s upper zone is very dominant suggesting an extremely clever personality, but her loops and letters are closed at the top which indicates a certain narrow-minded thinking. With these type of people, it is their way or the highway.

You will also notice that Anne’s writing in her letter takes up little space in the lower zone contrasted to Henry’s writing and certainly his signature which dips dips....dips into the lower zone. People with strong lower zones not only have strong sex drives, but also have a strong drive to accomplish all their goals…whatever the means. These people are often restless and are stimulated by variety. (I know again with the variety…ok the man liked variety. You get it)


Underscoring is another common mark in signatures. Underscoring is a sign of independent thinking. Underscores are a way of adding extra strength to the signature and also symbolize a need for recognition. Notice Anne's strong underscore in her name. Obviously, Anne needed the people to recognize her as queen. The same device can be seen in her daughter, Elizabeth’s signature (left). But you will notice that Anne’s underline moves forward in one direction while Elizabeth’s goes back and forth with loopy garlands. A back and forth underscore is a sign of indecision in the need for independence. We can see this in Elizabeth’s constant battle on whether or not to marry. Could she relinquish control to a king or must the power be all hers? Elizabeth put the offer of marriage on the table several times and then snatched it away the next.


Elizabeth I
One of the first striking things about Elizabeth’s signature is that it is honking HUGE compared to the rest of her writing. Whenever a signature is large in comparison to the rest of the writing it indicates the person has a lot more invested in the image that he/she projects to the rest of the world. I have already written about how Elizabeth created the Cult of Gloriana by being very careful about the image that she projected.

When Elizabeth was taken to the Tower and imprisoned on orders of her half-sister Mary Tudor we see a very different signature (below). Notice how small her signature is in comparison to her signature when she became queen (right).

Let’s compare Elizabeth’s letter to that of her cousin, Mary Queen of Scots (below). We can see that Mary’s signature is much smaller in relation to her writing. A smaller signature represents modesty and if it is really tiny it can represent underestimating abilities. Mary certainly chose consistently to take a back seat to the men in her life. A choice she would later regret when her brother and husband #2 and #3 showed disloyalty.

Elizabeth’s signature also has several garlands on both the top and the bottom. Garlands are a sign of affability, but if the writing has too many then it represents the person trying too hard to be accepted. This is the “calculated” friendliness and a person who plasters a smile on their face to appeal to both friend and foe.

You will also notice that Elizabeth’s handwriting has very little slant. This is called an “A-slant” and it reflects a person who has an amazing control over their emotions. This is a person who makes decisions based on reason and is not swayed by emotional outbursts. An A-slant person can often seem cold and heartless when they are actually simply well-guarded individuals.

Let’s contrast this with Mary Queen of Scots writing and signature which shows the classic “C-slant”. A C-slant person is swayed by emotions and can often make impulsive decisions.




Mary Queen of Scots
Mary's signature and her writing are also very dominant in the middle zone. People who are dominant in the middle-zone can only think of terms in the hear and now. They may have grandiose plans, but they have little success putting them into action. If you believe Mary was involved in all the plots and intrigues against Elizabeth then this fits perfectly with her inability to predict the significance of her actions.

So there you have it. Royal Signatures analyzed by your novice graphologist. Yes, I will admit that many of these signatures and writing samples are hard to analyze in modern context because people wrote differently, but I do think it is interesting to compare them.

Did I at least make you self-conscience about your own signature?

Raucous Rumor of the Month- Another Royally Bad Hair Day

Ok I know have a weird fixation on hair rumors. I already tackled the Marie Antoinette going grey overnight rumor. Now I have to address the Mary Queen of Scots being bald rumor.

The Rumor: When Mary Queen of Scots’ executioner held up her head in the customary "God Save the Queen" mumbo jumbo, the poor sot was left holding only a wig as her head rolled to the ground. Everyone was then very shocked. Not shocked that Mary was missing a head. Oh no. Shocked that Mary kept a dirty secret….she was as bald as a newborn.

Source of Rumor: This is a fairly new one. We can thank a recently released popular trivia book and several internet sites for spreading it.¹

The Truth: Yes, Mary was probably losing her hair due to numerous health problems. But her real dirty secret was that she had gone grey…not bald. At her execution, she wore her customary auburn wig and eyewitnesses were surprised to discover Mary’s natural hair color. Her hair was cut short too which may have also lent some credence to the baldness rumor.

I know debunking this rumor is not going to change the world. But come on…the poor woman lost her head. At least, let her keep her hair.

(1) I am not going to name the bad trivia book because I believe in book Karma. I too may get some historical fact seriously wrong some day and get it into print.

Sources and Further Reading:
Primary Source of Mary Queen of Scots’ Execution
Fraser, Antonia. Mary Queen of Scots, London, UK: Phoenix Press, 1969

Royal Ghost Tales

This is the end to this terrifying Halloween month and the point where I feel obliged to take all the fun out of what could have been spooky tales. The following just might be the least scary ghost tales you have ever heard.



The Ghost of Anne Boleyn

The Scary:
Visit the Tower of London and you might spot a very famous ghost. Several eyewitnesses have reported the ghostly apparition of Henry VIII’s second wife clad in white roaming the Green Tower with her head in her hands.

And if Anne’s tower haunting is not spooky enough then take a trip over to Blickling Hall. Anne’s ghost has been spotted drawing up to the stately home in a coach pulled by four headless horses driven by a headless coachman.

The not-so-scary:
If Anne was to haunt the tower wouldn’t she have the dignity to put her head back on her shoulders? That hussy Katheryn Howard might prance around without a head….but not our lovely Anne. And I really can’t understand why Anne would choose to use a horse drawn coach considering that they didn’t exist in England at the time. If she was really going to pull up in an anachronistic vehicle…why not something a bit fancier, like a Porsche?

The Ghost of Marie Antoinette

The Scary:
You don’t have to travel all the way to Paris to see Marie Antoinette’s ghost. In a house on the coast of Maine in North Edgecombe, a phantom appears decked out in a towering headdress and a satin dress. The ghost sightings have become so common that the house is called the “Marie Antoinette House”. According to legend, there was a plot to rescue Marie Antoinette in a ship called the Sally with the intention of taking her to Maine. But alas, the rescue attempt failed and Marie Antoinette was beheaded and never forgave the French. For this reason, Marie Antoinette’s ghost has chosen to haunt the coast of Maine. If you see this ghost, you must bow deeply while backing away. If you don’t follow this royal etiquette then the ghost will have a royal tantrum and will curse like a Maine truck driver.

The not-so-scary:
Marie Antoinette was well-known for eschewing royal protocol. She got her husband to abolish the custom of dining in public daily and thought it was downright silly for her ladies-in-waiting to serve her while kneeling. And swearing would never have happened. Marie Antoinette was so polite that she apologized for accidentally stepping on her executioner’s toe. But most importantly, if any self-respecting ghost was to arrive in Maine, they would stick around for maybe one winter and then head straight for Florida to never return again.


The Ghost of Mary Queen of Scots

The Scary
Mary is believed to haunt at least 5 Scottish landmarks including Stirling, Craignethan, Borthwick and Lockleven Castle and also the Palace of the Holyrood House. Wheeeeew! When it comes to castle haunting, Mary really gets around. And if that was not enough to keep Mary’s ghost busy you can also visit the ghost of a young boy believed to be her servant at Glamis Castle.

Legend has it that there is a blood stain on the floor of Holyrood House from when Mary’s secretary David Rizzio was butchered. People have tried to clean the blood stain but it keeps…reappearing.

The Not-So Scary
It’s ironic that Mary has chosen to haunt Scottish castles considering that she was confined in English castles for the majority of her life (19 years). Why not float over to Buckingham and try to scar the queen? She is at least the namesake of the women who sentenced her to death? And why not haunt some castles in France? She certainly spent the happiest years of her life in France. Those raucous Scotsmen seem to be very possessive of Mary. With all this talk about the Scottish government digging up the poor woman’s body and shipping it back to Scotland, they can at least be satisfied that they got her ghost.

And as far as the bloodstain goes - have they tried Pine-Sol? That stuff works wonders and smells like Christmas trees.

Death Masks

Last week's post briefly covered immortalizing the dead through death masks. A death mask is a plaster, wax or metal casting of the deceased’s face. With the Renaissance’s art movement toward naturalism, death masks were taken to create an exact likeness from which subsequent portraits could be made. But unlike portraiture, they were often a far more accurate representation of the deceased.

During the 16th century, funeral effigies of dead kings and queens were carved from oak or wax and placed on top of coffins. The image to the right is a wooden effigy of Henry VII covered with linen and stucco. Traces of paint still exist on the face and a wig once sat on the head. You will notice that the eyes are open, not closed. Although difficult to prove, the obvious realism of Henry’s effigy may have been achieved with the help of a death mask.

Sometimes little embellishments like paint, eyelashes and hair were added to create a more idealistic representation as can be seen in Mary Queen of Scots’ death mask shown here.*

As works of art themselves, death masks in the 16th -17th century had little value. They were viewed simply as a tool to assist in portraiture. And although unquestionably a macabre practice, the death mask was not designed to capture the subject in death, but to portray how the subject looked during life.

All of that changed when heads started to roll during the French Revolution. The Revolution's hatred was never satiated by the slice of the guillotine. The mob wanted an effigy to quench their thirst for blood. And that is when Marie Grosholtz , otherwise known as Marie Tussaud, found herself employed unwillingly by the angry Parisians of the Revolution. Marie made wax death mask of many famous victims of the revolution including Marie Antoinette, Louis XVI, Madame Elizabeth, Princess Lamballe, Robespierre, Danton, and Marat to name just a few.

To the right is the death mask taken of Marie Antoinette. Marie Tussaud did not attend Marie Antoinette’s execution, but she did see the queen go by in her tumbril on the way to the scaffold.

*It is doubtful that Mary's death mask was created at the time of her death.

With Halloween around the corner, here is how to make your own death mask using the 16th century techniques:

Materials:
Dead or Live subject
Plaster
String
Paint
Modeling clay

Steps:
1. Paint the hair over with a thick solution of modeling clay or oil so that the plaster will not adhere to it.
2. Ladle thin plaster over the face.
3. Place a thread from the bottom of the chin to the top of the forehead.
4. Ladle a thicker plaster over the face.
5. Before the second layer dries, remove the thread to divide the mask into two halves.
6. After the mold is hard, carefully remove it from the face. This step is hard. Be careful.
7. Fit the two halves together.
8. Clean the inside of the plaster mask and refill it with modeling clay and plaster to make the final model.
9. Add hair, eyelashes...glitter. Be creative. This is YOUR death mask.

Stay tuned for a future post on Marie Tussaud and her wax models.

Sources:
Benkard, Ernst. Kolbe, Georg. Green, M. Margaret. Undying Faces: A Collection of Death Masks. Whitefish, MT: Kessinger Publishing, 2003

Royal Bitches: How Dogs Ruled the Palace

Throughout history, kings and queens have often shown their dogs far greater love and affection than their spouses or children. Here are just a few examples where dogs ruled.


Dogs first, People Second
Frederick the Great showed little attraction toward women and had no children. His beloved greyhounds were his real babies. His dogs had free reign of the palace including their own gallery where they could run amuck tearing the furniture to shreds and pooping in every corner. Frederick even erected a magnificent white marble mausoleum to his greyhounds after their death with plans for his own tomb to lie between them. His blatantly, ignored wife, Elizabeth Christine, could only hope for such honors.

Queen Victoria is famous for being "amused" by her dogs, but not so much by her children. To punish her grandson, George V, for his poor table manners, Victoria commanded him to eat under the table like a dog. In an effort to emulate the canine competitor for his mother's affections, George proceeded to remove all his clothing so that he could be (like a dog) unburdened by clothing in his punishment. It doesn’t take a psychologist to discern that Victoria’s children may have felt that they came in second place. Her own emotions toward those bundles of joy were expressed when she said of her babies,

'til they have become a little human; an ugly baby is a very nasty object...and the prettiest is frightful when undressed...as long as they have their big body and little limbs and that terrible frog-like action.' ¹

Perhaps if her babies had been born with fur than her affections may have been different.

Peter the Great was also not much of a family man except when it came to his dogs. He showed little remorse after locking his sisters up in a nunnery and murdering his son, but his beloved dog, Finette was by his side every second of the day.

Dogs in the Bedroom
Dogs were often afforded luxuries that pandering courtiers could only hope for, including coveted access to the monarch’s bedchamber. Peter the Great’s miniature greyhounds slept in his bed sharing vermin and covers.

Catherine the Great’s boudoir was overrun with her husband, Peter’s 8-10 hunting dogs. She complained in her letters of the stench and the little presents they left on her pillow in the form of dog poop.

Napoleon was forced to share his bed with Josephine’s beloved pug, Fortune. During the Revolution, Fortune aided his mistress during her imprisonment in Carmes. The pugnacious pug smuggled secret messages hidden in his collar to Josephine’s children. Later, Napoleon would have to compete for Josephine’s affections with her loyal dog and complained,

‘As if a pretty woman could give up her routine, her friends, her Madame Tallien or a dinner-party at Barras’ house and the performance of a new play of Fortune, yes! Fortune! You love them all more than your husband…’ ²

Fortune put the jealous husband in his place by biting him on the leg.

Doctors in the Tudor age even prescribed putting a dog in bed with their monarch as the cure for stomach cramps. These dogs were called “comforters.” A puppy as a cure may sound like quack medicine, but you could actually view it as the forerunner of the hot water bottle. I personally would take a warm puppy over a hot water bottle or heated pad any day.


Throughout the 16th –19th century, dogs also controlled vermin in the palace and bedroom. (Cats had a hard time finding work because they were considered vermin themselves.) Louis XI took great pride in watching his mice-catching dogs working while he lay in his bed. Queen Victoria had a legendary rat catcher – a Dachshund named Dackel.

Even more important than vermin controllers and bed companions, dogs also protected their owners while they slept. In 1549, the power-hungry Thomas Seymour was planning to marry Princess Elizabeth I and kidnap his nephew, King Edward VI (son of Henry VIII). When Seymour crept into the king's bedchamber, Edward’s loyal guard dog barked furiously alerting his master of his uncle’s evil intentions. Seymour silenced the yapping dog by shooting him dead, but the guards had already been alerted in the melee. Edward might have even pardoned Seymour for his silly rouse, but killing his favorite guard dog was unforgivable. Thomas Seymour lost his head on Tower Green two months later in 1549.

Marie Antoinette’s spaniel Thisbee also slept in her room to alert her of intruders. Thisbee accompanied the family after they were transferred to the Temple. What became of the dog is still unknown.

Dogs at the Dinner table
Louis XIV fed his dogs personally with biscuits baked by his pastry cook. Queen Victoria’s dogs often shared the dining table with her guests. Prince Albert’s favorite greyhound, Eos ate with a fork like a true regal dog.

The painting to the left may look like a typical medieval banquet with rambunctious dogs climbing all over the table, but these dogs were actually food tasters, called chiens-gouteurs. If the dog didn’t die from the royal fare than everyone went ahead and enjoyed their meal. Can you picture it?…”ahh my dog appears to be still breathing. Everyone eat up.”

Dogs in the Stateroom
Dogs could also change the course of politics. Pope Clement VII did not share history’s fondness for the greyhound. Legend has it that Clement was ready to sign Henry’s divorce papers until the English envoy’s greyhound knocked over the stool supporting the pope’s gouty foot. Screaming like Andy Rooney on a rant, the ornery Clement abruptly refused to discuss Henry’s divorce.

Peter the Great forbid any petitions to be presented to him under pain of death. When a courtier was sentenced to the knot, Peter’s wife, Catherine, had the poor man’s petition presented to Peter by attaching it to the collar of the Czar’s favorite dog, Finette. The industrious Catherine knew that only an appeal from Peter’s dog would be granted.

Dogs as Accessories
We may balk at Hollywood’s trend to carry a dog around like a matching pocketbook, but queens were the first to invent the dog accessory. Royalty often got so attached to their lap dogs that they were literally joined at the hip. Mary Queen of Scot’s executioners was certainly surprised to find her small, Maltese hiding under her skirts after she was beheaded. The dogs of Versailles were taught to carry the noble ladies’ long trains. Not to be undone in the fashion department, dogs also wore regal coats and were heavily perfumed as to not offend delicate noses. And here is a trend that should surely come back amongst Hollywood’s pop princesses….doggy earrings. The poor pooch in this picture of Henriette Anne of England is wearing bright red dangly ones.

Without a doubt, these pampered pets ruled the palace. I have always had the belief that how people treat their pets is very indicative of their true nature. If you are interested in more information about dogs and cats in royal society then I highly recommend MacDonough's Reigning Cats and Dogs. MacDonough's work provides an intriguing look into the courts of some of our most raucous royals illustrated from the perspective of how they interacted with their pets.

Stay tuned for next week when cats get their say on how they ruled.

Source Notes:
(1) p. 120. Farquhar, Michael. A Treasury of Royal Scandal. New York, NY: Penguin Books, 2001
(2)p. 180. MacDonogh Katherine. Reigning Cats and Dogs. New York, NY: St. Martin's Press, 1999.

Royal Doll Fights

I know there is something undeniably creepy about a grown women playing with dolls. I don’t care. I love my new miniature dolls from Uneekdolldesign. Uneekdolldesign hand crafts royal queens and kings from several periods along with some of my favorite literary heroes like the Bronte Sisters. What could be better for writers block than the 3 sisters staring you down as you click clack away on your keyboard? Come on…you know you want a tiny Eliza Doolittle perched on your desk.

What’s Your Favorite Tiny Historical Figure?
It was a tough choice, but I had to go with cousins Mary Queen of Scots and Elizabeth I of England. I have already written plenty about these two dueling dames.

The Come Back Queen
Mary Queen of Scots was Henry VII’s great-granddaughter and Elizabeth was Henry VII’s granddaughter. Both queens had claims to the English throne, but if you were on the side of the church, Mary’s claim was much stronger. Elizabeth’s succession had gone through an especially shaky period after the execution of her mom, Anne Boleyn (that’s the one with the supposed sixth finger) Thereafter, Henry VIII (that’s the really fat one) made Elizabeth a bastard at the tender age of 2. In typical Cinderella like fashion, Elizabeth spent her younger years with her nose in a book trying not to anger her father or her religious half-sister, Mary I (that’s the other Mary…the one with a drink named after her). But good ole Hank had a soft side for that feisty red-head and restored Elizabeth to her place in the succession before his death. Elizabeth was crowned queen of England in 1559 and they all lived happily ever after. The End.

No. Not quite…Stay with me the drama is just heating up.

The Big Question: Who Gets to Wear the Pearls?
So Pope Pius V (that’s the man with the funny cap) basically says…. wait just a holy minute here! Elizabeth is a heretic, a bastard, a no-good crown stealer and called her a bunch of other nasty things. Then he finished it off with one of those scary Pabal Bull thingies that meant you were going straight to hell. Unnerved, Elizabeth dodged the death threats and carried on with her queenly duties. But always looming in the background…we have a problem. Who is the rightful queen of England? Mary or Elizabeth?

Like watching a muddy female wrestling match, each queen showed her claws. Here’s a blow by blow of some of their more raucous battles.

Round 1: Some Bad Legal Advice
Mary’s showed her perfidious side when she refused to ratify the Treaty of Edinburg. (that’s the treaty that denounced Mary’s claim to the English throne). At the time, Mary was already queen of Scotland AND France. Adding England to her resume was a bit greedy. All she had to do was sign the darn paper, stand up to her power-hungy uncles and end it. But, Nooooo. She had to go and antagonize her cousin.

And in this corner…
After King Francis II died (that was Mary’s sickly, French husband), Mary decided to return to Scotland. Traveling was a dangerous business in the 16th century made harder by the fact that Elizabeth refused Mary safe-conduct through England (she later granted it, but by then it was too late). Not granting safe conduct not only threw off Mary’s travel plans, it was also a serious royal snub and one Mary would never forget.

Round 2: Let’s be Friends
In an effort to make nice, Mary offered to sign the Treaty of Edinburg on the condition that Elizabeth name her as her successor. Elizabeth was suspicious, but offered to meet with Mary in hopes of coming to an agreement. The meeting was arranged for the fall of 1562. Mary was so excited to meet her cousin that, “she wished one of them was a man, so that their kingdoms could be united by marital alliance.”¹ Aaaaaah Ain’t that sweet? This reply may sound like a serious girl-crush to our modern ears, but marriages were not based on love matches. Mary was most likely genuine in her hopes and very nervous about meeting her “good sister and cousin.”

Round 3: A Knife in a Protestant Back
But then the especially distasteful St. Bartholomew’s Massacre messed everything up. Back in France, Catholic and Protestant factions were ripping each other to shreds and throwing babies out the window if they were the wrong religion. Mary should have stayed out of the whole unpleasant business. Instead, she offered aid to her Catholic relatives. The Protestant Queen Elizabeth was forced to cancel the meeting. Mary went to her sick bed depressed and miserable.

Round 4: Some Bad Love Advice
Things turned icy between the two queens for some time. The threat of Mary still loomed over Elizabeth’s throne, but the threat of a single Mary was even scarier. Mary could marry and form an alliance with any one of the Catholic royal houses of Spain, Austria or France thereby further endangering England. Mary could certainly wed, but it had to be someone of Elizabeth’s choosing. In what seems like astounding arrogance, Elizabeth sent Mary a list of 3 possible suitors for her hand in marriage; The Earl of Leicester (that was Elizabeth’s boy toy “robbin”), The Duke of Norfolk, and Lord Darnley. If Mary wed one of these three available bachelors then Elizabeth promised to name Mary as her successor. Decisions. Decisions. What will our passionate heroine do?

Round 5: Look What Happens when you play Matchmaker
Mary chose Lord Darnley. He certainly looked good on paper. He was handsome and rich and also had a claim to the English throne. He also was a syphilitic drunk who liked to beat the servants in his spare time. No one really liked Darnely, especially the Scottish lords. They had their skirts all bunched up (kilts had not been invented yet) until they decided enough already with this blockhead. Darnley soon ended up strangled to death outside the gardens of Kirk o' Field and Mary was accused of being involved in his untimely death.

The scandal might have blown over if she had not married one of the suspects in her husband’s murder, Lord Bothwell. The hanky panky between Mary and Bothwell was rumored to have gone on before Darnley's death. Mary also happened to look very pregnant shortly after her marriage to Bothwell probably due to the fact that she was carrying twins. Now you can do the math…we have adultery, some murder, a very pregnant looking Mary. It doesn’t look good to the kids of Scotland. Mary was eventually forced to flee Scotland and she went straight into the spider’s nest of England.

Round 6: A Visit from an Unwanted Relative
Now what was Elizabeth to do? Mary was on English soil looking for a safe place to stay. Her catholic presence was threatening enough when she was in Scotland, but it was doubly problematic on the shores of England. Elizabeth decided to lock Mary up until she could figure out what to do with her. Unfortunately, it took about 19 years for Elizabeth to come to a not-so pretty solution.

Round 7: Plots and Intrigue
While Mary was imprisoned she was left with nothing to do but embroider unicorn tapestries, get fat, pray, write a few whiny letters and most importantly…. plot her cousin’s downfall. You can read more about the foolish Babington Plot and Mary’s attempts to take down Elizabeth in the book. (Or stay tuned for future blogs because I may write an even juicier part 2 to this drama covering the Ridolfi and Babington Plot.)

Round 8: The Coup d’Etat
This fairy tale has a sad ending….sadder than the death of my favorite golden girl. Elizabeth was forced to put a finish to Mary’s intrigues on the scaffold. In the end, Elizabeth was left wearing Mary’s pearls (literally) around her neck and Mary was left without a head on her neck.

Knock-out from Elizabeth.

But Wait…What’s Wrong with this Picture?
You could answer: Well, it is sort of disturbing that you are taking pictures of dolls. Yes True. But the real answer is that I should not even display these two dolls next to each other because historians (that’s the people who are really smart about such things) claim that Elizabeth and Mary NEVER met.

Now, maybe it’s because I have seen too many drunken girl fights in my rowdy college days, but I just don’t buy it. Elizabeth had Mary locked up for nearly 19 years, but never bothered to hop in her litter and take a little trip over to see her cousin? She was not just a tiny bit curious to see the famed sorceress who had bewitched countless men? Pleeeeeeease. Elizabeth loved a good intrigue as much as any pot-stirring courtier.

Jealousy Leads to Curiosity...
Elizabeth exposed her catty curiosity toward her elusive cousin on several occasions. When she asked Scottish emissary, Sir James Melville to give a detailed report on Mary, Elizabeth’s questions didn’t exactly focus on the political climate of Scotland. Instead, she asked frivolous questions like - so what does the wench look like? When her advisor described Mary’s statuesque height, she vainly replied “then she is too high; for I myself am neither too high nor too low!” ² And when one foreign diplomat reported on Mary’s charms, Elizabeth rebuked “she herself was superior to the Queen of Scotland.³” But most telling of all was Elizabeth’s most famous lament at the birth of Mary’s son James I when she peevishly complained, “The Queen of Scots is mother of a fair son and I am but barren stock⁴” We must look somewhat skeptically at these quotes because many are second-hand accounts. Still, Elizabeth does appear to compare herself to her cousin on several occasions. Yet, she was never curious to see how their heights measured up in person? Come now.

Pen Pals and Strangers
And let’s not forget the letters. Elizabeth and Mary wrote to each other many, many times. Mary sent Elizabeth her portrait. Elizabeth sent Mary a beautiful ring in return which Mary wore constantly. After countless letters, gifts, and failed attempts to meet, how do you pass up the opportunity to pay a visit to your closest adult relation when she happens to be locked up in one of your castles? Elizabeth’s advisors were certainly against the two queens meeting, but could they have really prevented a meeting?

So what do you think? Are you an Elizabeth or a Mary supporter? Do you believe they never met?

Sources:
Weir, Alison. Elizabeth the Queen. London: Jonathan Cape, 1998.
Klarwill, Victor von. Queen Elizabeth and Some Foreigners. London: John Lane, 1928.
Fraser
Fraser, Antonia. Mary Queen of Scots, London: Phoenix Press, 1969.
Dunn, Jane. Elizabeth and Mary: Cousins, Rivals, Queens. New York, NY: Randon House, 2004.
Somerset, Anne. Elizabeth I. New York, NY: Macmillan, 1992.
Jenkins, Elizabeth. Elizabeth the Great. New York, NY: Coward-McCann, 1958.
Brysson Morrison, Nancy. Mary, Queen of Scots. New York, NY: Vanguard Press 1960.

Notes:
1. Weir, p. 129
2 .Somerset, p. 166
3. Klarwill, p. 215
4, Brysson Morrison, p. 147