Thursday, April 29, 2010

Royals in Miniature

These sculptures by G. S. Stuart have so much character. He seems to capture a touch of wry humor behind each royal. Here are some of my favorite ones:

Anne Boleyn
Just wait until I get my hands on that Jane Seymour


Catherine de Medici
Those kids of mine are exhausting.


Duchess of Kendal
Has someone seen my breakfast?


Caroline of Brunswick
This dress will surely raise my husband's blood pressure

Nell Gwynne
"Pray, good people, be civil — I am the Protestant whore."

Yes, I am sure they don't need my captions, but I couldn't resist. There are plenty more over at this minisite dedicated to George Stuart and you can learn more about the Historical Figures Foundation here.

Let me know which ones are your favorite.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Drowning in Snots and Roman History

The Raucous Royals is on a temporary hiatus due to baby snots. Both of my kids were very sick last week and now I have a sick husband on my hands. (The sick husband is sooooo much harder to take care of).

I will be back shortly with some posts that I am working on....

In the meantime, I am looking forward to curling up with a good book tonight. The next book on my reading list is Ship of Rome by John Stack. I have been really into those Raucous Romans lately. They are so naughty. (said in the baby talk voice that I have been using for a week straight now). Anyway, I have been reading so much dry academic writing lately that my eyeballs just might roll into the back of my head and never return if I don't read something with some action.

Ship of Rome will be given away to one lucky newsletter subscriber next month.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Coburg Conspiracy

I turn into a complete geek when it comes to anything involving conspiracies and royalty. So I can't wait to get my greedy little hands on The Coburg Conspiracy by Richard Sotnick. Isn't the cover beautiful too?




Stay tuned for A Raucous Royal Giveaway for all newsletter subscribers...

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Tudors, Historical vs. Hollywood: Episode 1, Season 4


The Historical:
Episode 1 starts off extra steamy. I mean really steamy. Everyone is dripping in sweat. London at the time was going through a nasty heat wave where so little rain fell that many commoners were suffering through crop failures and plague outbreaks. To Henry and his royal party, the lack of rain only meant one thing – more time to enjoy themselves. Kathryn insists that all her ladies start dressing like French women and wear their French hoods with pride. (French hoods were the mini skirt of their day. The more hair you showed…the more scandalous.) Henry decides to go on progress and show off his new queen. Meanwhile, Kathryn is getting spoiled rotten by an endless flow of jewels and castles. (Henry gave her more gifts than any of his other queens.) And all she has to do is giggle every two minutes and make naughty puppet shadows. What a life! Her only thorn in her side is Mary, who just can’t seem to warm up to her Dad’s new misses. It might just be the age difference.

Kat does have her admirers. Thomas Culpepper just can’t seem to stop commenting about her bottom. How treasonous! Ok that part is a bit silly, but the rape scene is legit. In a letter from Richard Hilles to Henry Bullinger he relates:

One of the parties who was first hanged and afterwards beheaded and quartered for adultery with the Queen was one of the King's Chamberlains, and two years before or less had violated a park keeper's wife, whom three or four attendants held down for him in a thicket. But for this he was pardoned by the King, and likewise for a murder committed when some villagers tried to apprehend him for the crime.(1)

You would think having a mud slinging, new chippy would make Hank a bit more forgiving, but nooooooo. Before he leads for his progress, he does a little spring cleaning in the Tower and executes some notorious prisoners including John Nevill and Lord Dacre. True: Lord Dacre was imprisoned for robbery and people were shocked and saddened by his execution. (He was only 17). False: John Nevill was pardoned.

Hollywood:
Timelines get a little wonky. According to the Tudors, King Francis proposes marriage between his son Henri II and Henry VIII’s daughter Mary. This would make Francis pimp daddy to a suspiciously bigamist marriage because Catherine de Medici was already married to Henri in 1533. Catherine had enough trouble beating off her husband’s mistress, Diane de Poitiers without dealing with a second wife. Francis did propose this marriage alliance. It just happened earlier.

Kathryn knew Culpepper before becoming queen of England. There were rumors floating about that they were to marry before she came to the attentions of the king. The Tudors seems to imply that they are just getting to know each other.

There is a scene where Henry’s boys talk about the cruelty of French court. I didn’t quite understand this scene? Yes, the English always saw the French as uncouth and the French saw the English as positively barbaric, but the English court system was ten times harsher than France’s criminal system. In England, a man could be hung for stealing a sheep. France, would take the lesser punishment of removing a limb or two. One of the gentlemen mentions that Francis took delight in setting puppies on fire. Francis loved dogs, especially his beloved masties. The only time (that I know of) of animals being burnt was during Elizabeth I’s reign. As part of her coronation ceremony, cats were placed in a huge basket and lit on fire to symbolize the releasing of demons.

Francis Dereham is missing. He was the boyfriend from Kat’s past that really got the whole infidelity investigations rolling. Maybe he appears next episode.

I am not sure where they are going with Joan Bulmer cast as the lesbian intriguer. It is true that Joan wrote to Kathryn to secure a position and she was well aware of Kat's past. But the person to really bring down Kathryn was Mary Hall at the insistence of her brother, Protestant reformer, John Lassells. The writers did use some real quotes from history -  (ie. the letter, the comment about hanging from their bellies like sparrows and the huffing and puffing that she heard. )

Thomas Howard, Earl of Surrey was the son of the first Thomas Howard, Duke of Norfolk thereby making him and Kathryn cousins. Not his niece. But the Duke of Norfolk disappeared in earlier seasons so someone now has to play the villian. It is true that he was a bit of a cad and had spent some time in France skirt chasing. So they have the rough outlines of his character correct.

Anne Stanhope gets further defamed in season four, but there is no proof that she was the little trollop that she plays. I already addressed her portrayal in last season.

In 1542, Henry decided to invade Scotland, not France. I know die hard historical lovers are going to having a hard time with this one. I understand why they chose to portray France as the main rival. Firstly, France and England were not exactly chummy at this time. Second, they have already established France and England as the Tom and Jerry of the 16th century. Bringing Scotland into the mix would really muddy up plotlines espcially when they would have to bring Henry's sis, Margaret back from the dead and marry her off to the right king.


Conclusion:
Season four will probably be the most controversial regarding accuracy because so much of what we know about Kathryn comes from her enemies making it difficult to know if she was an ambitious queen or just a foolish, party girl.

Overall, I was prepared for the writers to cast Kathryn, Henry and Culpepper into the same tedious love triangle that fictional portrayals have in the past. Henry is usually typecast as the lecherous, pathetic aging husband. Kathryn is seen as the young victim unable to escape the attentions of a king. And lastly, Culpepper plays the role of valiant, romantic suitor who will risk anything to be with his lady love. The truth is less cliché and not nearly as much of a snore.

Henry, although definitely a bit pudgy and nursing a leg wound, was still hunting with his men every morning for at least two hours. Although he certainly needed to cut back on the swan binges, he was not the corporal beast of his final years. I think the Tudors did an incredible job showing Henry aged but still sexy.

Then let’s take Kathryn’s actions to appoint her past partners in crime to such visible positions as court. Was this a mark of her naivety? Or does it show a certain recklessness stemming from that arrogant Howard pride? The Tudors lets the viewer decide. They show Kathryn both giddy and foolish one minute and then haughtily announcing, “I am queen now. Do as I command.” I tend to think it was a little of both.

Lastly, I was really expecting a swashbuckling Culpepper to come striding up on his white horse serenading his love beneath her window. Instead, The Tudors shows a far creepier Culpepper capable of tremendous brutality in the rape a village girl. Culpepper is no hero. His violent actions are partly due to the indifferent cruelty of his times and partly due to how he viewed women as dogs to be kicked around.

I am hoping that in the next few episodes Kathryn will do a little less giggling and become a bit more multidimensional. Kathryn did have a benevolent side that seems to have ended up on the cutting room floor. For example, Kathryn intervened to save the life of several of her friends and relatives. She saved the life of Helen Page, rescued her cousin John Leigh from the Tower and of course her most famous intersession on behalf of poet Thomas Wyatt. Maybe that will come in next episode….


I am not sure if I am going to have time to continue this thread as thouroughly as last season. I am still getting woken up every 2 hours by a 6 month old that acts like a newborn and the sleep deprivation is seriously hurting the ole memory. Plus, I really have a book proposal that needs to get out. So if I missed any inaccuracies or mixed anything up then just write in the comment below. There is a page for Historical Inaccuracies of Season 4 over at the Tudor Wiki so keep checking it for updates.


(1) From: 'Appendix', Letters and Papers, Foreign and Domestic, Henry VIII, Volume 17: 1542 (1900), pp. 706-712.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

For the King book trailer

I am just getting caught up reading my favorite blogs and I just love Catherine Delors' Book Trailer for her next book, For the King. (It will be out in July but you can preorder now to get the best price.) Personally, I do really think book trailers work. This one makes me want to get swept away in the character's world.

I am not sure they work for children's books for younger kids so I am debating whether or not to do one for my next book. I do think the trailer for The Raucous Royals helped get the word out but I can't see an 8 year old sitting still to watch a book trailer?

Catherine's trailer was done by Kris Waldher over at Art and Words. Great job Kris!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Secret Fertility Potions of the Royals

The sun is out. Birds are chirping. Lawn mowers are cutting grass. My window is open and it finally feels like spring. We tend to think of spring as the time babies are born, but that is actually only true for sparrows. For humans, more babies are born in August than any other month presumably making the cold weather more conducive for conception.  No worries. The Raucous Royals is here to offer the following fertility secrets passed down by the royals.

The ancients just didn’t seem to get the whole concept of menopause. Such was the case of Byzantine Empress Zoe in the 11th century who at the age of fifty was forced to tie pebbles to her body, hang fertility amulets around her, and wear chains. By fifty, women have enough problems with things hanging without adding rocks to their body. Poor Zoe. She never did get that baby, but on the positive side, her body was compared to a "well baked chicken" with "every part of her was firm and in good condition." I kind of wish someone would say by giggly post-partum bits look like firm poultry.

Throughout medieval and Renaissance times, when a queen was anointed with the consecrated oil, it was believed this oil guaranteed fertility. Some batches must have gone bad because greasing up didn’t always get the job done. When the first wife of Henry VIII, Catherine of Aragon could not conceive she made a pilgrimage to the shrine of Our Lady Walsingham and donned a hair shirt. She went through all that itchiness and she was still just left with one daughter, the future queen of England Mary Tudor.

Catherine de Medici wins hands down for enduring the most uncomfortable fertility rituals. She applied a poultice of ground antlers and cow dung prescribed by her alchemists. When that didn’t work, she swallowed elixirs of mare’s milk, rabbit’s blood, and sheep’s urine. (gulp). And of course, she ceased all riding of mules because it was well-known that the animal caused sterility. I would be pissed if someone took away my mule!

But don't think the women were having all the fun wallowing in cow dung. Men too had some freakishly weird fertility potions. Ferdinand of Aragon ate bull’s balls to increase his virility. Judging by the amount of mistresses he had, I hardly think he needed it.

Other queens swore by “taking the waters”. Such was the case with Anne of Austria who realized her advancing age and infrequent visits from her husband, Louis XIII, were making her chances of conceiving slim to none.  Miraculously, she conceived Louis XIV after taking the waters in Auvergne and he was born in 1638. Nicole Kidman reportedly swears by these same fertility waters.

Wife of Charles II, Catherine of Braganza was another fan of fertility dips and spent her summers in the fecund waters of Tunbridge Wells and Bath. Unfortunately, she was not as successful giving birth to a healthy baby. I guess the Bath waters did not have the same magic.

During Louis XIV's reign, it’s no wonder how anyone ever got pregnant because women could not have sex one hundred days of the year during Catholic observance days. Soon fertility went hand in hand with some of the wackiest superstitions in history. For example, to get a son, women were instructed to conceive during the waxing moon and to constrict the man’s left testicle. (girls came from the left testicle, boys came from the right). Men were also instructed to work a bit harder because it was believed that a woman’s orgasm increased fertility. (Yey! This one is actually true.) The church advised women to pray to St. Leonard, a hermit who founded a monastery and was the patron saint of prisoners. (Ironic, considering pregnancy often feels like an imprisonment). I do believe in the power of prayer and praying to any saint seems like a far better option then waiting for a waxing moon. I would just pick another saint. Those handcuffs he is holding are kind of scary.

When royals failed to conceive, they also could rely on the old Renaissance card trick - the phantom baby. When Henry VIII’s sister, Mary married the ailing, decrepit King of France, Louis XII, there was little hope for an heir. But without a heir, Mary also had little chance of staying in France and the clock was ticking with her gouty husband. No problem for this Tudor vixen. After Louis’ death, Mary simply wrapped her thin waste in towels and staged an occasional fainting spell. Unfortunately, no one bought the ruse especially the mother of Francis I, Louise of Savoy, who knew her son had a pretty good chance of becoming the next king if there were no visits from Mr. Stork. Louise ordered a full medical examination that turned up with Mary looking much thinner minus her pseudo baby bump. Shortly after her husband’s death, Mary was sent packing.

The beautiful Bianca Capello took the pregnancy ruse one step further. Around 1564, Bianca caught the eye of the son of the Grand Duke of Florence, Francesco de Medici. Unfortunately, Bianca was already married to a young clerk named Pietro Bonaventuri and Francesco was married to Johanna of Austria. In the Medici household, pesky husbands had a habit of turning up dead and wives were practically invisible. Such was the fate of Pietro when he was found murdered in the streets of Florence after a “scuffle”.

Bianca and Francesco carried on until 1574 when Francesco became Grand Duke of Tuscany. Throughout Francesco’s marriage, Johanna had only born him six measly daughters (a son died in youth). Now all Bianca needed to get the misses out of the way was a bouncing baby Medici. She took to wearing layered clothing and told Francesco the happy news. After a secluded "birth", she swiped a baby from a working class mother and passed it off as Francesco's new heir to the Medici fortune. The baby was named Antonio, Johanna died a few years later, and Bianca had her fairy tale ending.

Not exactly. Even though Bianca had conveniently disposed of her accomplices, Francesco found out. No worries still. Illegitimate sons could become heirs in Florence….if they could survive the machinations of the family members they were replacing. Antonio did survive. Mom and Pops were not so lucky. Bianca and Francesco mysteriously turned up dead after vacationing in their villa. Their symptoms coincide with arsenic poisoning probably ordered by Francesco’s brother Ferdinando...but that is a post for another day.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Watch The Tudors Season Four Premier

I have been so crazy busy that I forgot the Tudors Season 4 is airing April 11th! Below you can watch the first episode. To see the whole season, order Showtime.

Also, coming up on Showtime is a mini series on the Borgia. I can't wait for that one. I hope my beloved Medici boys gets some play. Visit the new fan wiki to learn more.