My favorite is number 5:
Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the fluids that fill the muscles appears first in the highest part: The face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; So that covering all above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all cats are grey, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every knack being by practice capable of improvement.
So to any male readers, please remember the sage advice of Mr. Franklin this Valentines day –all you need to find true love is an older woman… and perhaps a basket.
Sources: Gatreli, Vic. City of Laughter, New York, NY: Walker &Co., 2006